This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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