nut hugger
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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