you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
