so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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