Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
