like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize