Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize