Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
