Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
