Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
