Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
