Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
