at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
