So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
