And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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