Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
