I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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