I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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