So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize