I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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