theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
