Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
