I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Let's paint friendship bongs
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
