So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
