You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
