11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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