No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize