just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
