ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
