The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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