What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
