the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
