If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
