Well apparently he's into motor boating.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
