There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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