I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
