You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
