I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
