So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
