Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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