i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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