The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
