Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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