in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't put those talents on a resume
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
