Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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