how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
