I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
soo... how was my night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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