I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Blood and glitter go together right?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize