You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
ttyl tear gas
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
