Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
