Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
