Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
