If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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