We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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