please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
