HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
