So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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