Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
