My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
