fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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