Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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