She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
