whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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