it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize