Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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