these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
