You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize